


Tequila!

by Jaune_Chat



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, Drunkenness, Gen, Hangover, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-17
Updated: 2012-08-17
Packaged: 2017-11-12 08:11:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/488640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaune_Chat/pseuds/Jaune_Chat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>JARVIS has a hangover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tequila!

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [a prompt on comment fic](http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/363250.html?thread=63480050#t63480050) \- Iron Man, JARVIS, [“You’ll have to forgive me, I … I don’t seem to be working all that good right now.”](http://hungoverowls.tumblr.com/post/6554278741/youll-have-to-forgive-me-i-i-dont-seem-to-be) (The theme was quotes from the [Hungover Owls](http://hungoverowls.tumblr.com/) tumblr. Which, BTW, is freaking hilarious.)

"JARVIS? Rise and shine, Daddy's got a brand new idea. Bring up those specs on the laser cannon!" Tony clapped his hand eagerly and waited for the holograph to appear over the table.

There was a feeble burst of light, then a vague skittering of something like sparks, and then about half the file flickered into existence. Tony tilted his head and looked at it incredulously.

"JARVIS, what the hell?"

"You'll have to forgive me, sir. I... I don't seem to be working all that good right now." JARVIS' voice came out soft and tentative, like someone not quite fully conscious.

"Working all that _good?_ JARVIS, since when did you get a bad grammar subroutine?" Tony demanded.

"Please, sir, not so loud. My auditory pickups are at a heightened level..."

Tony frowned and went over to the nearest screen. A few moments later he pulled up JARVIS' diagnostics and slowly shook his head as he read.

"Heightened auditory pickups, heightened visual pickups, processing speed down to a quarter of normal, cooling system efficiency way down, JARVIS what the hell were you doing to yourself last night?" Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I think... I might have gotten drunk," JARVIS said, with a nearly audible wince. "To be fair, I blame Agent Barton."

"What the actual hell?" Tony said. "Ok, this I gotta see. Pics, J, pics or it didn't happen."

"Game room," JARVIS said shortly, with what may have been a very tiny whimper on the end of it. 

Tony pulled up the game room footage from the previous night and watched, bewildered, as Clint and Bruce got into a rather heated pool match or ten. Natasha and Steve were hanging off the back of the couch, sharing a bottle of something clear and probably lethal, laughing at the trash-talking insults being thrown between the two pool combatants.

"Remind me to never go to fundraisers again if everyone's going to stay home and have fun without me. But where's your booze, JARVIS?"

"Listen closer, sir."

Tony turned up the sound and heard "Tequila" playing in the background. Over and over again. He began to chuckle.

"Barton stuck it on loop?"

"Yes."

"How many-?"

"A hundred and fifty times."

"You went on a _five hour_ Tequila binge?" Tony laughed out loud and fast-forwarded to the times when the lights in the game room had started flicking in time with the music, Dummy had rolled in to dance with Natasha (who had apparently drunk enough to find that funny instead of threatening), and JARVIS had begun doing some rather filthy and highly inaccurate commentary on the pool match. 

"...I'm not entirely regretful sir, though that may be due to some memory loss."

"Welcome to my world, J."

"I hate you, sir. Just so you know," JARVIS said wearily.

Tony grinned and dimmed the lab lights. JARVIS sighed in relief.

"Don't worry buddy, I'm going to program you some virtual fried eggs and bacon."

"Sir, if you do that, I will find a way to virtually vomit. I'm not sure how yet, but I will manage it."

"How about I fix your cooling system instead?"

"...acceptable. Just don't speak to me until it's done."

"Music?"

"Just not Tequila," JARVIS said shortly.

 _Brandy Alexander_ began to play over the speakers.

"The next time you're in the suit, sir, I'm going to cut the power at a thousand feet," JARVIS groaned. 

"That won't feel any worse than _my_ last hangover," Tony said cheerfully, and whistled as he went to go open up the cooling system.


End file.
